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So, you’ve met someone who's great. You might end up in a relationship with her, but there’s one problem: She’s best friends with her ex. There’s always the possibility of baggage when you start dating someone new. A lot of women come with bad friends, a lot of women come with a job they don't like, but there's nothing more difficult for the male ego to deal with than a woman who comes with her ex as a best friend.
For some reason or another, a lot of men can't fathom that another man was sexually intimate with their woman. And it's funny, too, because women are very aware of this. Whenever you meet a woman who is really great friends with her ex, she'll usually tell you, “Hey, Max and I are like best friends. Our relationship didn't work out sexually at all, but we're still such really good friends.”
She does it because she understands the male ego and she knows that you're going to be freaking out during the course of the relationship. So, you try to play it really cool, all the while you’re thinking to yourself, “I'm not friends with any of my exes. I wish they were all floating in the middle of the ocean. I couldn’t care less about them.”
You try to play it cool, but as the relationship progresses, you slowly stop acting so cool about it. You get into a fight, and she calls her ex to talk about it, because he just knows her really, really well. You don’t want to get jealous, but it really bugs you when the ex calls and she giggles to herself for the next five minutes because of something he said. It starts to eat away at you more and more.
Befriend the enemySo, what's the solution? It's easy. Befriend the enemy. I would get everybody together for dinner and sit face to face with the man who once put his penis inside my girl. Look at him and treat him as you would any other guy. Get to know him a little bit. When you’re in the presence of your girl and her ex, you’ll see the dynamic between them and realize that there’s nothing left. There should be no sexual energy or sexual chemistry between them at all. In fact, I just look at him as a furry girlfriend of hers.
That's it. He’s just another friend of hers. At the end of the night, shake hands, befriend him on Facebook, whatever. But be cool.
You’ve got to deal with it, guys. Now, don't forget — we’re talking about the ex she's "just friends" with. There are the exes out there we can put an asterisk next to: the ex they still have feelings for. Those are the ones that you’ve got to nip in the bud from the get-go, gentlemen.
If she’s friends with the ex and you all go out together and you see no sexual chemistry, then you're fine. But if you go out with her and she's always talking about the ex, then she obviously still has feelings for him.
Bring It Up With Her, Not HimAnd that is something that you need to deal with — but not with him, with her. You’ve got to admit it: You picked wrong. You picked the wrong woman because you weren't listening to the warning signs right from the beginning. The problem most people face when dating is becoming too attached too quickly and not paying attention to the signs. We tend to have the blinders on: “Oh, my God, she's absolutely perfect for me.” Yeah, but she talks about her ex constantly, and she's always complaining about the girl that he’s dating.
You’ve got to open up your eyes, guys. You need to sit her down and say, “Listen, I don't think you're over him at all.” You need to confront her and you need to listen really carefully when she responds. Pay attention to her body language and the words she uses. Do what you should have done in the beginning of the relationship — pay attention. If it seems like she’s not over her past relationship, then your new relationship is going nowhere and you need to deal with that like an adult.
Dealing with a woman who has an ex in her life is not rocket science, but it takes a lot of awareness and maturity. Cultivate the virtues necessary to handle this like a man, and you separate yourself from the boys at home in unsatisfying relationships who are crying about their woman and her furry friend.